I started seeing a therapist and it's the best decision I ever made.

Writing this week’s blog post makes me feel a little uneasy. I’m not sure why, but being a millennial and growing up in the ‘90s, there always seems to have been a level of stigma around mental health and seeing a psychologist or therapist.

While I think our generation has really stripped back the stigma around looking after our mental wellbeing, it definitely still sits deeply within me.

Earlier this year, I realised that I was having some really big anxiety flare ups and issues with my mental health. There was a lot going on, and I realised that it was time for me to see my GP and get a mental health care plan, and start seeing a therapist to help me make sense of some of my thoughts.

I want to be clear and have absolutely no ambiguity: You should see a therapist. There is something so healing and restorative about having a space in which you can vocalise previously unvocalised thoughts, and really have a sounding board to take perspective and understand what your mind is doing.

I have seen a few therapists in the last 10 years or so, and each time I feel as though I’ve been at a different stage of my life, and a different level of readiness. With my current therapist, I’ve delved into a lot of subject matter around my own life, including (but not limited to) my career, my sense of self-worth and purpose, my relationships and my upbringing.

At times, therapy is hard. It often feels unnatural to vocalise certain thoughts, feelings and behaviours that I have because they are uncomfortable, and we tend to ignore the uncomfortable in our day to day lives. But what I’ve really noticed about my mind in particular, is that if a negative thought is left unspoken, it lives inside your head. From there, it manifests itself. It grows stronger and compounds over time, and slowly becomes something out of your own control. It starts to consume and take over you. It becomes a core belief of yourself that feels impossible to ignore.

Fun Fact: The Dementors from Harry Potter were based on JK Rowling’s experiences with depression.

Most of these things stem from our childhoods. We learn certain patterns of behaviours and responses based on our experiences being young, and we carry them into adulthood where they no longer serve us, but are still so ingrained in us and our identity. Part of therapy, for me, is unlearning these coping mechanisms, and understanding why they came about for me. Only in doing this can we really grow, shift and change into a truer version of ourselves.

For me, therapy is about recognising my values and learning about what I really want. It’s about understanding my own needs and why I respond the way I do to certain external stimuli. And learning that I have no control over the behaviour or actions of anybody else. The only thing within my control is how I respond.

At times, my therapist helps me see that I am the one in control of my life. I am the one who is holding the steering wheel, and I am able to choose which path ahead to take. I think often in life, we forget about this, and leaving space in our weeks for us to reflect and consider why we feel the way we do is extremely important.

There are times when I’ve truly believed I was “cured,” like my journey was complete, and I’d reached the peak of mental wellbeing. But what I see now is that happiness is a state of being, not an attainable goal. What I mean by this is that I spent so much of my life believing that certain things would bring me happiness. That it was about reaching a certain amount of money, having a certain amount of things and feeling well liked and popular by others. I thought that once I had these things, I would be happy, and that feeling would never go away.

I always loved this episode of South Park in which Butters has a profound realisation about happiness.

Happiness though, comes and goes, the same way hunger comes and goes, the same way tiredness comes and goes. And it is only through suffering that we can truly understand and appreciate happiness when it’s here. When things get rough, I use the tools I learn in therapy to help me get back to a positive state, and I encourage everybody to use the same resources.

— Mike Liberale

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Hey! Thanks for reading my blog again (or for the first time). I’m all over the internet doing stuff that I think is cool.

I cover a bunch of pop culture and nerdy stuff over on YouTube. This week, I really enjoyed talking all about the upcoming Australian version of The Office.

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